Sunday, August 1, 2010

Of Second-Chances and Forgiveness

I never believed in second chances. I've always thought of life as a one-shot thing. That memories are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. And that the mistakes you commit are moments wasted away that time can never turn back. I can be quite stubborn when it comes to my principles and idealisms. And like I always say, although I know that in reality, life is never really fair; at least in my world, I'd like to think that justice prevails. And that only means keeping the good vibes and rooting out all the bad elements. That kindness will be rewarded and wrongdoings will be severely punished.

I still don't believe in second chances. But if in this lifetime, I may have learned a thing or two about love, it is that it has taught me to stop counting. The first. The second. The third. (Although I hope it stops at the first though. No more second and third for me please.) Most importantly, it has taught me how to let go and find it in my bruised, pain-stricken heart to forgive.

For the past few weeks, I have gone through quite a major turmoil which I tried to keep within. Because I was too scared of breaking away from sanity. I was too proud to even admit that my dear life was falling into pieces. I was too much of a coward to accept that I was hurting because this one person just had to let me down.

After having gone through this emotional rollercoaster ride, I have come to the conclusion that God had allowed this to happen in my life. That this is all part of his master plan. I had to go through this. I had to learn my lesson this way. For though I may have been the one hurt the most, I've had my share of mistakes too. And most importantly, it has taught me the power of forgiveness.

When you commit yourself to a relationship with someone, it doesn't guarantee that life will be better. That life won't be complicated. Because try as you may, things will always get in the way. And it's not a matter of avoiding these glitches or pretending that they don't bother you at all. It is a matter of choosing to withstand all the difficulties and if at one point, either one should falter or break, you don't just give up. You stand up and finish the race. You fight the good fight.

So I don't call it a second chance. I call it the grace of forgiveness. I think of it as an act of faith. We are born flawed and imperfect and at times, we are meant to stumble and fall. But it doesn't end there. Because what really matters is you pick yourself up, accept where you went wrong and not give up the fight.

I'd like to think that I know better now. And though in this treacherous battle,I may not have emerged unscathed, I have become wiser and tougher. I have finally figured out what it is that is worth fighting for.

Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for not listening to me when I told you that all this had to end. Most of all, thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for choosing to correct your mistakes. After all this time, I've finally figured out just how much you mean to me. Because out of everyone else who broke me and shook my sanity for quite a while, you are the only one who I found it in my heart to truly forgive.

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