One Day

"I need to speak to someone. Not someone - you."

My deepest darkest secrets and my greatest unfounded fears. You know everything. The worst thing you've ever done and the biggest mistake you've made. I happen to know it too. Come to think, if there is any one person that would always have my back, it would have to be you. And if there is only one person who would still believe in you even when no one else did, that would be me. 

I promised myself that I won't be watching this movie again. EVER. Although the masochistic side of me actually relishes sad endings in movies, with this one, it isn't really the ending that got into me. It was the fact that Emma and Dex made it. Although theirs was a love story that was short-lived, they nevertheless got married and ended up together. They were able to live out their lives together even with the little time that they had. And in the end, that's all that really matters. It's not how long you've stayed together, but how you've made those precious moments count and how you were able to choose to be with this one person for the rest of your life. 

I wish things could turn out to be as easy as they are being portrayed in films. Maybe the world wouldn't be as depressing as it is. And if only making a choice were as simple as leaving a person playing the piano in a jazz bar and running after the one that you truly want, then probably, lesser hearts would be left broken. Including mine.

In the real world, it just doesn't work that way. In the end, you stick up with the choices that you made, not just because of love alone, but also because you recognize that commitment plays a big factor too.  I remember you asking me once why after everything, I still chose to bear it all. I wasn't able to provide you with an answer back then. For a time there, you had me thinking and now this I have to say. He was always around even when no one else was. And he stayed, even when I had, for many times driven him away. Most importantly, he fought for me like no one else did, even during instances when I knew I didn't deserve to be fought for.  And in this gruesome world filled with apathy and deceit, that to me means everything; it is larger than life.

But that doesn't make things any easier or less baffling for me. Especially not when it involves you. There are still days when I am overwhelmed with sadness and helplessness. And there are nights like these when I wish more than anything that the circumstances had been different and that the second chance we had, shouldn't have been too late. In another life perhaps. But sadly not in this lifetime.

You're still you. And I'm still me. And in my dreams, it is still your face that lingers. And if it has to be this way, then so be it.

Nobody but you has to know anyway. 

I miss you...