This

I have a secret. And I have kept it for seven years. Seven long years. And for how long I can hold it in, that I am not sure of. I had hoped that eventually, it might die a natural death. Or that by some stroke of luck, I will be able to forget and bury it in my memory. But seven years have passed  and I've been singing the same song in my head. 

Right now,  I wish there was something that I could do about it. I had long prayed for this to go away. And I thought that it did. But something happened along the way and it seems I'm right back to where I used to be - in a deep emotional rut.

I've been searching for words to say. I've been conjuring up lines in my head. I've been seeking for answers. And I've been looking for reasons. But all to no avail.

I guess time and distance never really changes anything. Or maybe there are just some things that refuse to part with that which breeds familiarity. I think there are those who choose to remain where they are because it's the only place that they can keep coming back to.

I am keeping this. I am choosing to nurture it. Like a prized possession, I am holding it close to me. With this, I do not expect the whole world to stand up for my cause. I know they will never understand. I'm guessing nobody ever will.

I am choosing this. The rest of the universe may not conspire with me on this one but nevertheless, I know that this a decision that will give me the tranquility and peace of mind which I have always cherished and yearned for.

I've lost it once and I never want it to happen again. Everything that was had been a blur. The years that passed were all too painful to speak of. And now that I have found my place, I am staying right where I am. Too much time has passed. And there were all too many opportunities that were wasted. Most of all, too many hearts have been broken along the way. And right now is not the time to cause even more damage.

I wish I could provide an explanation although I know it won't be necessary. And more than anything, I know you completely understand. Because despite everything that was, that is and that will be, this one thing has remained constant and has never faltered, all this time.

In another lifetime, where the circumstances are different and I had more time in my hands, maybe things would have turned out differently. But for what it's really worth, like you said, maybe it's just better this way. So this I have to say.

I AM CHOOSING TO LOVE YOU FOREVER. EVEN IF IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

One heartbreak is enough. And never mind that it is my very own that has to pay the price.

Two Words. And that was it.

A few years back, it still seems all too vivid even for my own recollection. The bucket of tears that I shed. The sleepless nights I endured. The dreams that were shattered. The glorious fantasies that I conjured up in my head, only to be left disillusioned. The all-too-many questions without a single answer. The worldly pleasures that I drowned myself into just so I could forget. The million and one obstacles I had to overcome just so I could finally move on from it all...

And all it took were those two words. That was more than enough. I had forgiven you even before you knew that I did. I had already known why we weren't meant to be together even before you had it figured out. But most importantly, I had finally told you what I have always wanted to say.

I hope that you will ponder on my words. And when you say you've changed, I hope you mean well. I want you to know that I'm counting on you to do it right this time around. You are better than all of this and I just know, that surely, you can rise above it.

I've always placed my faith in you. And I want you to remember that. I want you to remember how it once was. I want you to recall how we used to be and what we were to each other. Because even if things have changed and time has passed, it has remained to be what it was. I am still here for you. And I have always been a friend. I will never stop being that.

And though we both know that we weren't meant to be together, it does not mean that we weren't meant to be anything at all. You will always be the one who knows me like no one else does. And I am still the one who has always believed in you even when the whole world refuses to do so.

To me, you will always be that only person, my one friend. And after everything that has happened, I know now that we will always stay this way no matter what.

Lost love is still love, Eddie. It just takes a different form, that's all. You can't hold their hand. You can't tousle their hair. But when those senses weaken, another one comes to life. Memory becomes your partner. You hold it, you dance with it. Life has to end, Eddie.

Love doesn't.

- THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN (Mitch Albom)

Just Because

In this lifetime, I may have loved too many. Probably even loved too much. But this did not make me any less of a person. It only made me realize that I am actually worth so much more. Along this journey, I've had a few regrets. A thing or two I never should have said. A simple gesture I should have done. An apology I should have made. Like anyone else, I would have wanted to turn back time. Maybe then, I wouldn't have made so many mistakes.

But people, like seasons,often do come in and out of the picture. Some linger for a while and then leave. But only to come back again the next time around. And then you begin to wonder why it had to happen. Why those things had to transpire only to be taken away. Why they kept you company and not stayed around. And why they suddenly come out of nowhere as the good old memories come flooding in.

I probably will never have the answers to all my questions. But I do know that I will always remember. My very first. That particular person. And this one and only. All of them, they taught me well.

I have not emerged unscathed. But with time and the many tests of strength along the way, I've learned to cherish and nurture my battle scars. They make up the entirety of who I really am and what I have become because of certain people. Because of them.

Maybe people come and go for a reason. Some leave, never to be heard again because they weren't worth our time and efforts. There are those who come back and realize what they have been missing along the way. And yet there are also those who do return, not to claim vengeance, but because they have found it in their heart to forgive your mistakes and accept the past that cannot be undone. Maybe not everybody is meant to stay in your life, but there are those who are only meant to teach you. And because of them, you are forever changed.

But what about the exceptional ones? Those who withstand the test of time and turmoil? They are the ones that you should hold dear. Because one day, you will just know it. The moment will come when you will have to say that, "Finally, this is the one. This one is worth keeping."

ALL LOVE STORIES ARE THE SAME.

I guess we'll never know

I wish we both knew. That one day, we would grow up and realize the many mistakes we've made back then. Maybe ours would've been a story we could have grown fond of telling.

But then again, where we are now, it's not so bad after all. I have found my place and right now, it's exactly where I want to be.

After all this time, I only wish the exact same thing for you - a life worth living and a love worth enduring.

I sincerely wish you well. And I mean it.

My Mark

Things happen. But it's always never too late to start all over again.

The Law of Attraction

When you stumble upon something you fancy, you grab it by impulse. But then when it finally sinks in, you realize that it's really just that, FANCY. And that by all means, you should get rid of it.

At some point in time, you will be drawn to something. Temptation will be so appealing that it may heighten up all of your senses.

But at the end of the day, should this mean anything at all? Will it be worth risking everything, even the one true thing in your life?

And therein lies the difference.

Moments are fleeting. Acquaintances are short-lived. But there will always be something that's worth keeping. And it's what you call COMMITMENT.

=)

Words simple as maybe
Yet honest passionate feelings can only come
From deep within a loving heart
And caring heart
Almost a decade, how long has it been

But time has failed to fade
Our love, the undying love
As it grows, fonder and stronger
I'm recollecting, awaking
Memories of the past

Could I ever forget
Electrifying loving times
Shared in golden silence that only
Our hearts come throbbing and
As life slowly pass us by
While those childlike carefree youth
Are only bygones and love's greatness
Changing and giving ways

When loving you from afar
How my heart desires your warm embrace
Burning kisses from your playful lips
Deep inside of me
All sweetness and tenderness

But time has failed to fade
Our love, the undying love
As it grows, fonder and stronger
I'm recollecting, awaking
Memories of the past

Could I ever forget
Electrifying loving times
Shared in golden silence that only
Our hearts come throbbing and
As life slowly pass us by
While those childlike carefree youth
Are only bygones and love's greatness
Changing and giving ways

(I had almost already forgotten how much I loved this song. Thank God I heard it again tonight.)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzycuXVxRRk&feature=related