tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-711295932004816532024-03-11T21:50:54.688-07:00My Sanity PillShenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-5365205627343688182023-07-15T04:38:00.000-07:002023-07-15T04:38:56.963-07:00Closure<div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">Here is something that I wrote almost seven years ago. I wrote this for someone who at some point in time, meant the world to me until fate had finally decided that we could no longer be part of each other's lives. For a time, I refused to acknowledge the impact of such loss. I dared not speak of it in the hopes that I could just completely shun it off my system. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">Nobody knew that it had haunted me for so long. It evoked negative emotions that I could barely handle on my own. And for so long a time, I refused to forgive myself for everything that has happened. </span></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">I had always thought that death was the most terrible thing. Until I discovered the betrayal of a friend. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">This person had me in my best years. Probably the best pieces that I have ever written, they were all about him - our friendship and the love that we never acknowledged, much less acted on. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">But for the past few years, I had only been writing bitter diatribes. I was consumed by a pain for a loss that I had never been able to comprehend for so long. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">Until now.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">I realized that I had to lose you. You had to hurt me because I would have never stopped loving you. It was the only way. I couldn't face the truth that we were never really meant to be. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">I tried to be stubborn but God wouldn't have it any other way. He had prepared me for someone better. </span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;">I can only look back now and heave a sigh of relief. I had finally come to terms with everything.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: -apple-system-font;"><span style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div><div>I had already forgiven you a long time ago . And I will never forget the kindness of your heart when you were well. </div><div> </div><div>I am keeping the good memories. This is how I will remember you as my very best friend. </div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Written - </span>16 August 2016</div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><br /></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And it pretty much boils down to the same thing when it comes to my emotions. It's always been there. It has never left since. It may have evolved; it may have taken a different form. But the truth is, it has always been lurking somewhere within me. And try as I may to shun away from it, I know deep within me, it will always linger and won't go away.</span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I have loved you for so long that it is not well within my heart to throw it all away. I cannot unlove you. The entire system of my being refuses to. I guess there is something about young love that cannot die a natural death. It doesn't just rob you off your innocence, it steals away an integral part of yourself that you will never be able to recover. You just get on with your own life knowing that the world won't stop for your grief. And then eventually, you learn to move on. But that hole in your heart, it seeps right through you and unfortunately remains to be a gap that cannot be filled much like a wound out of a tooth extraction - the pain doesn't linger when the wound heals, but the tooth will always be missing. </span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And I will always miss you. And I will always wish that you were still around. That charismatic smile of yours remains to be imprinted and my eyes never light up the way they do whenever we are together. But</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> it has taken an eternity for us to figure out what we really meant to each other and so much has happened since then. A lot has changed. I wish I could say that I was still the same girl that I was back then. But when we both decided to tread on different paths ten years ago, I guess with it came the decision that we will not be sharing a life together. Because that girl you once knew is gone. She has changed for the better. She has moved on. She has made her life choices which she tirelessly worked for. She thus chooses to stand by them even if it means not being with you. And though the intensity of my emotions has unceasingly remained to be at a standstill, we both know that the stars have not aligned to our favor in this lifetime. </span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I can only love you from a distance, never too close enough lest run the risk of burning. But I will continue to love you from where I am. That is something that I do not need to promise as it is an obligation which my weary heart has imposed upon myself without any reservation. The fact that we are not together doesn't change anything. It doesn't diminish the pain of longing nor the misery of our parting. If at all, it has only transcended into a different level. Because I continue to love you even when you're not around - even when there is absolutely nothing to hold on to because logic and reason is of no moment to a heart that beats this way only for you. </span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And I want you to know that I also understand why you have chosen to maintain your distance and keep your silence. It has taken a while for me to fathom, but I have always accorded your wisdom and your ability to perceive things with great weight. I know you have your own reasons for wanting to stay away. And if this is your version of coping and dealing with our separate realities, then I can do nothing but to respect your course of action although it does not make it any less painful nor the entire process any less cumbersome. I will always miss you like the sun misses the moon.</span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div><div style="caret-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.847); font-family: -apple-system-font; font-size: 12px;">In a different lifetime, maybe all this will make sense. For now, my heart remains right where it was. And you are forever etched on it. </div>Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-71864114583156271892020-06-29T13:34:00.000-07:002020-06-29T13:34:23.645-07:00Reminiscing in the Midst of this Pandemic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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(Written last 06 May 2020)<br />
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<span class="s2">Early on, I knew that I had a knack for remembering things - be it random ideas or memories in time. Back in the day, I memorized acronyms and song lyrics, effectively made use of mnemonics and recited provisions of law in toto. I am also keen on detail as I could go way back into remembering what song I sang for Filipino Week when I was still in my kindergarten year or taking note of my boss’ favorite dish. I take pride in the fact that my memory serves me well.</span></div>
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<span class="s2">Or so I thought. </span></div>
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<span class="s2">Sometimes, I think you like to purposely beat me where it hurts. I guess we’ve always thrived in an environment of healthy competition.</span></div>
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<span class="s2">But through time, you’ve proven to me that you were always a step ahead- like how you would remember to get me planner stickers at Starbucks even before I could ask; or when I always try to make you feel guilty that you forget our monthsary. Because you never do. You sometimes pretend, but you most often than not remember it more than I do. </span></div>
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<span class="s2">That’s just probably how you’re wired. I can play my mind games with you all I want but I cannot simply win. Forgetting is just not possible because your memory never falters.</span></div>
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<span class="s2">A few days ago, I relentlessly tried to start a fight again. And I know you’ve already figured out that sometimes, I have a fascination and talent for starting an argument on its own. So I asked you if you can still recall where we celebrated our first anniversary. To my surprise, you told me the exact place where we dined. You also told me that you wore a Pink Polo Shirt that night. And I didnt believe you because I never thought that you would actually remember what you wore that night. When I browsed through my old photos, that’s when I realized that you were right after all. You really were a sight in pink.</span></div>
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<span class="s2">When I sent you the photo through Messenger, you simply told me this, “I told you I remember that day perfectly. Gwapa kaayo ka ana. </span><span class="s3">😘</span><span class="s2">”</span></div>
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<span class="s2">Between the two of us, I can probably let this go and willingly concede that you have a better and sharper memory. </span></div>
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<span class="s2">And when you tell me that you love me more than I do, I guess I am now inclined to believe you after all. </span></div>
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<span class="s2">Amidst this quarantine, I am still lucky. And that’s because I have you. Now & Always </span><span class="s3">😊</span></div>
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Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-55717333423449980702020-04-27T09:19:00.001-07:002020-04-27T09:20:18.799-07:00On First Impressions<div class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s1">We were classmates for a year and yet not once did we speak to each other. You found me too loud and unruly and all the while I thought of you as snobbish.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Fast forward to 2013. It was the first semester of my junior year in law school. </span>After class, we were having dinner at a burger joint that your bestfriend owned. You offered to share a milkshake with me because I told you I couldn’t finish one all by myself. You kept me entertained the entire time as you made faces and mimicked one of our professors in class. You were ridiculously funny and I was laughing my heart out. It was then that I realized that first impressions shouldn’t really matter so much. You proved me wrong because you weren’t so bad after all. </div>
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<span class="s1">And back then really, who would have known what the future had in store for us both? </span><span class="s2">😊</span></div>
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Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-90120470168809580722017-08-09T08:03:00.000-07:002017-08-09T08:03:41.018-07:00Not three<span style="color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Three months. That was how long I had planned to get through all my heartaches and move on with my life. I've prided myself over the fact that I am always able to program my system to easily adapt to changes in a span of 3 months. With that amount of time, I am able to adjust to a new environment or circumstance in my life - be it a different workplace or a new relationship. This one is going to be just like the rest. Or so I thought.</span><br />
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But just recently, I've realized that I'm no robot. And it was foolish of me to box myself up and reduce all of my emotions into a measly three-month rule. Because I don't operate that way. </div>
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Maybe I've just been too unhappy for the longest time that at some point, I really wanted to get it over and done with. I immersed myself into this make-shift reality where my deepest darkest pain and longing were locked up and all I could feel was temporary bliss. I set my standards at a minimum and attached myself to a particular level of joy which I knew was only fleeting and impermanent. </div>
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I feigned happiness but I knew better. Because I know that three months is not enough and it is going to take me a while for me to get my life back on track. </div>
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Moving on doesnt just happen. And three months is not ample time. Not when my heart has been ripped open and completely torn apart. Not when your grandmother has not lived long enough to see you fulfill your lifelong dream. Not when your bestfriend of 13 years betrayed your trust during your most vulnerable time. And especially not when the love of your life, the one person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, suddenly disappears in the middle of nowhere, leaving you and your heart in shambles. </div>
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I need more time. And I need to figure this one out on my own. Some things just cant be rushed and that there are those that cant be forced. Especially when all your instincts tell you that it's just not meant to be to begin with anyway.</div>
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So I will allow the Divine Master to take control and maneuver his way into my life. I absolutely have no idea where I'm headed and what my future has in store. But I trust him enough that better things are coming my way. </div>
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For now, I will be brave, courage and fearless. Even if it means being alone. </div>
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Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-40350956068953050922017-01-17T06:55:00.000-08:002017-01-17T06:55:01.219-08:00Not Goodbye, But Til We Meet Again<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">I’ve never been good with my emotions. That I know for certain. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">But</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> I have always had a knack for words. Sometimes I use them to the best of my ability to preserve a memory, to encapsulate a moment, and to honor a wonderful person. And this is why tonight, I have chosen to write about you; because</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> the world needs to know about you. They need to know how brilliant and stupendously great you were and that it was awfully tragic that they have not been given the privilege of knowing you in this lifetime. I still vividly remember everything so well, you know. They might as well be forever embedded </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">on</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> my mind.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">I can still recall, it was a Thursday when I first met you. To you and your friends, it was what you know as Trivia Night. You and your best buddies would gather at this local place every Thursday night to join a weekly Trivia Quiz where you formed a team which was named after your own barkada. I remembered that you were grinning from ear to ear when you met me. You had this warm smile that made me feel so welcome. After the event, you and your friends would eat at your diner to either celebrate your victory or console and laugh together when you would mess up the answers during the event. It was my first time to join back then and you made me feel so at ease, as if I was already part of the team for such a long time. I remember that you really went out of your way to talk to me because you obviously did not want me to feel out of place. And I was very grateful to you for that. At that instant, I knew that you were one genuinely great guy. The weeks passed and I found myself looking forward to joining you guys every Thursday Night. To me, it served as my weekly respite from the horrors of school. I remember that I would be so ashamed if I couldn't contribute a single answer to the team. Not that it really mattered because it seemed as if you were our one-man team. From Geography to Sports and even Stock Exchange, you seemed to have answers to the questions from out of nowhere. Back then, the closest that we've gotten to was only Third Place. But it didn't really matter because we were all having a grand time as we were exhausting our brain cells and draining our wits out even if we didn't win. It was the hope that we had a fighting chance that always kept us going. And this went on for a good two years. You and your friends managed to keep in touch and meet up every Thursday until the local place decided to do away with the Trivia Night.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">During those few times that I was able to join you, I have come to know how smart you were. Your bestfriend would always go on to tell me that you have always been a league of your own. He would tell me that </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">way back during</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> your high school days, you used to sleep your way off in class but still manage to ace all your exams. Even my sister who was your batchmate in College, had nothing but good words for you because you were really a force to reckon with - one brilliant mind. And yet despite your excellence, you kept your feet on the ground. You were always so kind to everyone and at some point, I've always thought that you were one of those very rare few who didn't have a bad bone. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">You</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> reminded me </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">so much </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">of a good friend who was once very close to m</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">e</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> back in the days. It was weird because I saw so much of him in you in many ways and yet you were so unlike him too in more ways than one. I would say that you both were equally amazing individuals. Like you, his name was placed on big tarpaulins displayed on our school numerous times as he won several competitions representing our Alma Mater. And just like you, our professors would be so baffled as he always managed to make it to the honor's list even without trying. I've always told my friends that you were so much like him, only that you were a kinder and better version of him. The similarity ended there I guess. To me, you both were two of the most incredibly intelligent men that I've ever come to know. But you weren't even half the monster of a man that he once was to me. In summary, therein lies the great distinction.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">I remember that you joined us in a few of our study sessions. Your bestfriend and I were living in a tight budget at that time and being the sensitive person that you always were, you must have figured that out even without us mentioning it because you treated us with pizza. You brought with you your Med Books and studied with us until the wee hours of the night. I remember we were studying Banking Laws and much to my amazement, you knew the difference between commercial banks from universal banks better than I did even without you batting an eyelash. That was indeed a moment of self-defeat for a Junior Law Student like me.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">Not only were you an excellent student, you we</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">re endowed with exemplary leadership skills </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">as well as you were the President of your Fraternity in the School of Medicine. I remember</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> we were</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> having lunch with you one time where you excitedly told us your plans for your administration and asked for our suggestions although when we knew you would manage well even without our ideas. And even in your own barkada, you were the unsung leader of the group. You would always be the contact person and organizer for all events. You were the bond that made them all stick together, even up to now.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">You were a wonderful brother too and you loved your family more than anything. I know this because in our conversations, you spoke so highly about your Mom and Dad. And you would always talk about endearing memories that you've shared with </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">Ate En and Bling</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">. And you </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">dearly loved</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">and adored Nica</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">. To you, she meant the world. I remember looking at you both and thinking how great a couple you were. It seemed as if you were really made for each other.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">Most of all, you were the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for. When your bestfriend needed you the most, you were there for him. You moved heaven and earth just to be able help him. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">When he transferred to another school, </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">I</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">remember that you would call him every single day to check on him and how you would even call me as well when you couldn't reach his line just so you'd know </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">how he was</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">. You never stopped checking on him until you were certain that he </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">was doing fine</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">. As an outsider looking in, I knew just how much you both meant to each other. You always had each other's backs and the two of you were not just the best of friends. You were brothers.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">The night you left, I really wished I'd called you. I have been meaning to at that time and to this day, I wished I'd told you that your bestfriend needed you again. That same week, his dad was diagnosed with cancer. I did not know how to console him back then and I knew that you were the only perso</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">n</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> who could talk some sense into him. Most of all, I knew that you were the only one who could make him listen. If only for that, I would have hoped that you'd find a reason to stay - maybe not for long, but if only for one more day. To him, for the both of us, that would have made a big difference. We haven't had enough of you, </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">Pao</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">. We would give anything to have you back because we are missing you so much and it's never been the same.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">The day you left was the day that the heavens welcomed an angel into their kingdom and the day that the earth cried and mourned with much grief. The world lost a budding entreprenuer, a brilliant doctor, a loving son and an amazing friend. It felt as if my heart was ripped open and cut into half. I remember crying so hard from a long </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">bus </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">ride because I just couldn't believe that I will never get to see you smile again. I've always marveled at clouds but I swear I've never looked up the skies in the same way now that you're not around anymore. I comfort myself with the thought that you're probably just lurking somewhere up there, happily looking down and watching over us.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">During your birthday last year, </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">you friends and I </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">were at your place and we celebrated the life that you lived. We contented ourselves with the pictures around us. Seeing you smile through the photos g</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">ives</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> us the strength to forge on, knowing that you are in a happier and better place now. It will never be the same you know but with time, we will all heal.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">With your passing, I</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">have come to realize </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">that life is so short and things can change in a blink of an eye. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">To those who hold you dear in their hearts and who have had the chance to marvel at the life that you lived, I know they will all agree with me in saying that we would give anything </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">if only </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">we</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> could spend a few more years and have more memories with you. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">And even if you had already told me when I dreamt of you once that </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">it was</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> indeed</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> your time</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> to go</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">, still we wish with all our hearts that we had so much more. Because </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">the</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> world has not had enough of one great man.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">And I think I never got the chance to thank you enough. And that is what I regret the most. Thank you for being all that you are to us. Thank you for being his bestfriend. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">He would not have been half the man that he is now, had he not been your friend. </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">And although </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">he</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> and I are no longer together, I have not become bitter and remorseful. If anything, I still feel blessed because that relationship had caused me to have been given the opportunity to become your friend. And that is more than enough reason for me to still be grateful. Most importantly, </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">Pao, </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">Thank you for being brave - for yourself and for all of us. Only God knows the kind of battle that you've been treading on for the longest time and yet you put up a real good fight.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> And</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> with your passing, there was only one thing that you took</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"> </span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">away and nothing more - our hearts. And that's why our love for you will never go away. Thank you for teaching us the value of life and love. I will always be grateful that I have had the privilege of knowing you. I thank the Lord for Divine Intervention that he had allowed us to meet. You are sui generis. And I am lucky enough to have been given the chance to marvel at your greatness.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">It was indeed a pleasure meeting you. So long and til we meet again.</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">"Lost love is still love, Eddie. It just takes a different form, that's all. You can't hold their hand... You can't tousle their hair... But when those senses weaken another one comes to life... Memory... Memory becomes your partner. You hold it... you dance with it... Life has to end, Eddie... Love doesn't." - The Five People You Meet In Heaven, Mitch Albom</span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;"><br /></span><span style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: #222222; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; letter-spacing: 0pt;">"Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die,we can't remember who we are or why we're here.” - The Secret Life of the Bees, Sue Monk Kidd</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0000pt; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-spacerun: 'yes';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-35846579839149562302016-12-30T08:39:00.000-08:002016-12-30T08:39:00.976-08:00The Greatest TragedyIt <span style="color: #454545; font-family: uictfonttextstylebody; font-size: 17px;">started with a note. Thus, I deem it proper to end it with one. </span><br />
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As my favorite singer/songwriter puts it, "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part." However, I strongly beg to disagree. I contend that this is not so. It is during the wee hours of the night when you want nothing else but for sleep to take over your lifeless soul and weary spirit. It is the endless, pointless turning and laying back and forth, trying to drown everything away in dreamland but you are left forlorn and desolate, because you cannot think of anything else but him; it is during those moments when you have a myriad of questions but such few answers. It is when you try to give yourself a pat on the back because you've managed to be okay the entire day, only to realize that you will again sob yourself to sleep tonight. Most of all, it is when you sleep with your broken heart with the thought in mind that <a dir="ltr" href="x-apple-data-detectors://1" x-apple-data-detectors-result="1" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors="true">tomorrow</a>, when you wake up, pretty much nothing will have changed. You are still lost, shattered, and all alone. That I must say, is the biggest tragedy of a broken heart.</div>
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And there is no telling how and when you can be able to mend everything and rise up from the devastation. There is no prescriptive period in such instance. Nor can laches be invoked in this case. In law, you can argue that one has slept on their rights. In love however, you cannot just sleep on your emotions. Because there is no final judgment or arbitral award that fixes the period upon which you shall serve the penalty. There is no judge or arbiter that will tell you how long its going to take for you to get your life back on track - you need to figure it out on your own because the world does not stop for your grief. </div>
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The pain lingers and you can't just make it all go away. There is no medication that can alleviate the suffering. Every single time, you can choose to wear a mask of happiness but at the end of the day, you know that while you may be able to fool others, you can never feign your true emotions, at least not to yourself. </div>
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But out of everything else, it is the part where I get to really miss you that breaks me the most. Knowing that I'll never be able to go back to that restaurant and relish my favorite dish with you or get to see that Star Wars movie which we had been raving to watch together bites me. Realizing that you will never be able to cook that recipe which you had wanted to prepare for my family at home or share our favorite burger and that heavenly ice cream together shatters my heart into a million pieces. I guess we would no longer be able to relish the joy of seeing ourselves take that Lawyer's Oath together as we fulfill our shared aspiration - one that we have toiled for so many painstaking years in Law School. And we will never be able to build a family together as we wont get to raise our little Sofia and Vito as we had planned. They were dreams that we had built together on solid ground. But we never really got there. Now they have crumbled into the ground, swallowed by the pit of nothingness. And all that is left are our scarred and wretched hearts. </div>
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You and I both know that our journey ends here. You can beg me to stay and I can tell you not to go; but deep inside us, we both know that this is all for the best as this has been long overdue. I wish we could tell each other that what we feel is enough to sustain and keep us going and holding on to this. But you and I both know that it isn't. It's not enough. Through time and the many things that have happened around us, we've become different individuals with conflicting priorities and needs and sadly, we have grown apart. And as much as the pain kills and sweeps the life out of me, I know that this is how things must be. Our time is up. And we are just better off living our lives separately.</div>
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I am taking all the good with the bad, the bitter with the sweet. Our memories are not going anywhere. They are forever etched. What we had was real and I will always be grateful. And this is why I am choosing not to delete anything because I know that I can never undo three beautifully poignant years of my life with you. I am keeping them close to my heart if that is the only way that I can be reminded that once in my life, you marvelously came and made me feel how it is to be truly loved. Sweet, Surreal, Imperfectly Beautiful, yet Fleeting and Impermanent. </div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The future appears bleak and dreary but I know that one day, all this will finally make sense. It may take a while but I know we'll both get to where we should be. </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And until that day comes, I will take comfort knowing that you and I will learn to be happy again someday, even if it means not being together. </span></div>
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"You bleed because you know the wound cut so deep. But eventually, you will regain your strength. Because nature has its own way of healing. Such is the constancy of change."</div>
Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-79123242340256895572013-11-12T09:37:00.002-08:002013-11-12T09:37:45.330-08:00Sweet and Surreal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've
always thought that fantasies will always be just conjured-up illusions
in my delusional head and that dreams are but mere illusions of my
neurotic and overly-rational self. After all the bitter tragedies that
have come crashing in my years of existence, I had myself believe that
my pot of gold was nowhere to be found and that a rainbow, is really
just that. A rainbow. <br /><br />And then you happened. And nothing has ever been the same. <br /><br />I
can come up with several terms - Good Karma, God's Grace, My Miracle,
Answered Prayer - but it would do you no justice to reduce into a few
words all that you are to me and what you have done to my life. In a
split second,you revived my dampened spirit, relieved my broken soul and
remolded my battered heart. After which, my life has never been the
same again.<br /><br />You are everything that I had long dreamed of and all
that I hoped to be. And I can only bow down in utter gratitude and
storm the heavens with praise and thanksgiving because he brought you to
me. At a time when I had sunken at my lowest of lows, you came to wake
me from my slumber and bring me renewed faith and hope in my life. You
showed me that I deserved to be happy and that I can be loved, cherished
and appreciated in the best way there is. <br /><br />You made me believe
that my dreams are worth fighting and waking up for - every single day.
And because of that, I am forever changed.<br /><br />It may have been Fate,
Destiny or Serendipity. I don't really care. But somewhere along the
way, I must have done something right. All the sacrifices, the pain and
the misery that have almost cost me my sanity, they must have meant
something after all - because they led me straight to you.<br /><br />I can
put all of that behind me now, heave a sigh of relief and pat my back.
The worst is finally over. And the best is yet to come. :) Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-24904257142988339882013-07-17T11:49:00.000-07:002013-07-17T11:49:31.544-07:00Delete<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
For quite some time now, I had tried to avoid anything and everything that would, by any chance, vaguely remind me of you. I have been hiding myself at home and burying myself in my books because at some point, I just did not want to feel anything. Not Anymore.<br />
<br />
And then one night, I just had to do it. I just needed to do what had to be done.<br />
<br />
But how do you take it all away? How do you detach yourself from the memory and the emotion and tell yourself that it doesn't bother you anymore? How do you erase four bittersweet years of your life and pretend that you've suddenly become numb from all the pain? Most of all, how do you tell yourself to just let it all go? <br />
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I looked at each photograph - one by one, I went over them and I realized that we had better days back then. Despite everything that's happened, there really was a time when we were just happy and we thought that what we had would truly last. <br />
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After all that's been said and done, I can only tell you this. Whatever it is that we had, it was beautiful and I'll never forget it. I'll always be grateful that for a time there, we loved each other and that once your life, you had touched my life in a way that no else ever will.<br />
<br />
Thank you for making me feel that I was worthy of being loved and thank you for teaching me how it is love unconditionally without knowing any limits or bounds. I want you to know that I am grateful for all the sacrifices that you've made and for accepting me completely - the world that I know and the entirety of me. But most of all, thank you for trying your best and giving it your all - even if it already came too late. Because although you and I both know that our time has passed, in one way or another, you knew that I had loved you with all of me too and I never really gave up on you. I just needed to set you free. <br />
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We may not understand completely why it all had to come to this but I know that one day, we both will find the answers to our questions. And soon enough, we will find whatever it is that we are seeking for in our lifetime.<br />
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" So one by one, I took them down. I gave it one last lingering look and did what I had to do. But the memories are mine to relish. And that's where you'll always stay. Because the heart never forgets. "<br />
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<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-46929013400449373242013-06-10T09:10:00.000-07:002013-06-10T09:10:30.311-07:00The Story that Never Ends<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I'm no cynic. But I do know how the
world works. I know there is just too much sadness and craziness all
around. And as much as I do not want to be a part of any of it, I
already am. That being said, although this journey might have turned out
to be quite not the way I had intended it to, I wouldn't have it any
other way. Because if this is how I can come face to face and reconcile
myself that which I have tried to shun off my system for the longest
time now, then I shall let it be. I will let divine intervention (or
fate perhaps) take control. <br /><br />My heart has been ripped open for
quite a few times now. And several times, I've witnessed how it has been
torn to bits and shreds, probably even to pieces. It is a painful
process and to speak of it is something that I cannot perfectly
articulate into words because it just what it is - drearily bittersweet
and tragically melancholic. Through time and experience, I must say that
I have, in one way or another, learned to manage and cope with the
entire process. This does not however mean to say that I've been able to
avoid all the pain and hurt that went along with it. Fresh as it still
is, I am well aware that the misery and desolation along with the idea
of such a loss is still lurking somewhere within me. But maybe, I am
just able to mask it off and put it away because I do realize that there
is an even greater issue at hand. And that is you. <br /><br />About 14
months ago, I was on this very same airport, stunned and on the verge of
tears, waiting to board a plane that would take me elsewhere, even when
my spirit and soul was unwilling and reluctant to leave. 14 months and counting, I am here
again and the confused state of my heart remains the same. I'd like to
refer to this as the story that never ends and a love that just
amazingly never seems to falter, after all that it has silently endured
and gone through.<br /><br />I can't really tell if you relish the same pain
and anxiety whenever we part ways, but I do know that you know how I
feel. I know that you very well know why I came. I know you realize that
I needed to be there and that more than anything, I wanted to see you
and speak with you. There was so much I wanted to tell you but I seem to
get the words all tangled up and the timing just never works to our
advantage. I just wish I had the opportunity to unload it all and let
you know that I am not really hoping for a lot. There was just something
that I needed to let you know, never mind that it doesn't seem to
matter to you anyway. And it was this that I wanted to say:<br /><br />I
looked back on the first half of this year with this realization in
mind; that the last time I ever felt truly happy was the moment when I
was with you, talking away endlessly like we had all the time in the
world to spare. It was then that I realized that I am happiest when I am
with you. It is your company that I yearn for every single day and it
is your voice that I want to hear whenever I feel down and upset. You
are the only one who can make me laugh at my mistakes and comfort me in
my misery and make me feel better in my moments of utter solitude. Your
laughter is the sweetest music to my soul. Your smile, how your eyes
dance whenever they meet mine, inspires me in a way that no one else
does. It is you, all that you are and the entirety of your being that
has made me travel all these miles just so I can be with you and see you
again because I want to believe that someday soon, I will still be
capable of feeling alive and whole again, the way that you make me feel
whenever you're around me. <br /><br />And I wish I would have the courage
to someday tell you this because you are the one person that I cannot
live without. I'd rather have this piece of you than an eternity without
it; if this is how it's going to be, if you only want me to remain
being just this to you.<br /><br />I know you think that in this world, you
don't amount seem to very much. But to me, you mean so much more than
what the entire world has to offer because I would willingly do anything
for you in a heartbeat. And I wish that would be enough for you to stay
in my life and not push me away. Because In your nothingness, I see
your worth; in your humility and selflessness, I see your beauty. I'm
not asking you to feel the way that I feel if it is not in your heart to
reciprocate or if you see me in a different light. Just let me be if
you will it to be so. But know that I will always be here for you and I
will be patiently waiting for the day when you can learn to love me back
or when my emotions will get the best of me and I will finally give up and have a
change of heart. Until then, It is you that shall linger in my memory.
It is you and no one else.<br />
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I miss you already. <br />
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<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-83829607394470172932013-05-05T10:14:00.000-07:002013-05-05T10:14:36.225-07:00Brave<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I guess I could consider it some stroke of luck that I had managed to survive the first quarter of this year alive. To say that it had been the most trying months of my entire life would be an understatement. Those were the months where I had willingly </span><span style="font-size: small;">gone through hell and back just to maintain status quo. Those were the moments where I would have traded anything and everything just to keep my sanity hanging down that thin thread, if it mean<span style="font-size: small;">t that</span> I could keep us together - so I could still fight for whatever it was worth, never mind that it no longer amounted to very much. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">I groped f<span style="font-size: small;">or <span style="font-size: small;">my o<span style="font-size: small;">wn d<span style="font-size: small;">ear life because all<span style="font-size: small;"> the <span style="font-size: small;">while I thought, <span style="font-size: small;">I had nowhere else to go<span style="font-size: small;">, that there was no one else that I could<span style="font-size: small;"> turn to. Little did I know that my <span style="font-size: small;">insi<span style="font-size: small;">stent and</span></span> stubborn ways <span style="font-size: small;">only dragged me down further to <span style="font-size: small;">that<span style="font-size: small;"> self-im<span style="font-size: small;">p<span style="font-size: small;">osed pitfall of gloom and melancholy<span style="font-size: small;">. <span style="font-size: small;">I had seen it co<span style="font-size: small;">ming and y<span style="font-size: small;">et I had resisted <span style="font-size: small;">for the longest time. <span style="font-size: small;">Maybe I just really wanted m<span style="font-size: small;">y heart to be torn into a million pieces before I could fi<span style="font-size: small;">na<span style="font-size: small;">lly wave<span style="font-size: small;"> the white flag and su<span style="font-size: small;">ccumb my wretched s<span style="font-size: small;">pirit to <span style="font-size: small;">failure. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I've always <span style="font-size: small;">con<span style="font-size: small;">s<span style="font-size: small;">id<span style="font-size: small;">ered myself to be t<span style="font-size: small;">oo much of a coward when <span style="font-size: small;">it</span> comes to <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">m<span style="font-size: small;">y </span></span>own share of reason<span style="font-size: small;">able and unfounded fears. Because<span style="font-size: small;"> m</span>ore often tha<span style="font-size: small;">n not,</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> I would ra<span style="font-size: small;">ther endure the fear of not knowing than confronting my demons. This is probably why <span style="font-size: small;">e<span style="font-size: small;">ven though I had already seen it coming, <span style="font-size: small;">being the control<span style="font-size: small;">-<span style="font-size: small;">freak that I <span style="font-size: small;">a<span style="font-size: small;">lways was, I <span style="font-size: small;">had t<span style="font-size: small;">urned my eyes away from reality and </span></span>conjured up th<span style="font-size: small;">e</span> fantasy that I <span style="font-size: small;">would still be able to handle <span style="font-size: small;">everything<span style="font-size: small;">. <span style="font-size: small;">And one day, I w<span style="font-size: small;">oke up and realized</span> the f<span style="font-size: small;">ut<span style="font-size: small;">ility of it all.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">So <span style="font-size: small;">j</span>ust like that, <span style="font-size: small;">a dark cloud had come upon me and after what seemed like an<span style="font-size: small;"> eternity of sheer<span style="font-size: small;"> unhappiness</span></span></span></span> and misery, I had <span style="font-size: small;">tasted the victory that was liberation. For the fir<span style="font-size: small;">st time<span style="font-size: small;"> after a very <span style="font-size: small;">long time, </span></span></span>I was<span style="font-size: small;"> alone<span style="font-size: small;"> and on my own. <span style="font-size: small;">And this only meant one thing<span style="font-size: small;">,</span></span> I was free.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I could finally let go of all my wishful thinking<span style="font-size: small;">s and unmet expectations. I could now <span style="font-size: small;">bid far<span style="font-size: small;">ewell to <span style="font-size: small;">my <span style="font-size: small;">lifelong <span style="font-size: small;">dream</span> of a hap<span style="font-size: small;">pily-eve<span style="font-size: small;">r-af<span style="font-size: small;">ter and a bright future together which I had been working and plannn<span style="font-size: small;">ing for<span style="font-size: small;">, sad<span style="font-size: small;">l<span style="font-size: small;">y</span></span></span> on my own. But most importantly, I c<span style="font-size: small;">an <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">now</span> allow my heart to j<span style="font-size: small;">ust breathe<span style="font-size: small;"> - <span style="font-size: small;">to stop hoping that things will be better, that he <span style="font-size: small;">can <span style="font-size: small;">find <span style="font-size: small;">it in his heart to </span></span></span>change or that he will finally realize that <span style="font-size: small;">I was right after all.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">None of that matters now. Because today, it's just all about me. No one else. <span style="font-size: small;">I<span style="font-size: small;">t's my time to take care of myself<span style="font-size: small;"> and relish this new-found freedom<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">. </span>And for the first time in my life, I feel bra<span style="font-size: small;">ve. Though I <span style="font-size: small;">may not know<span style="font-size: small;"> what tomorrow brings or <span style="font-size: small;">what the future has in store<span style="font-size: small;">, none <span style="font-size: small;">of that worries me now. Because I know better days are yet to come.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">A<span style="font-size: small;">nd though the worst is not over, <span style="font-size: small;">I <span style="font-size: small;">am cer<span style="font-size: small;">tain that soon enough, I will be okay. I just know, I will be happy again.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not today, maybe <span style="font-size: small;">not tomorrow still. B<span style="font-size: small;">ut someday soon.</span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-3847494167629979632013-03-02T09:05:00.000-08:002013-03-02T09:07:29.357-08:00So Let Me Dream of You<div style="text-align: left;">
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One more day, a few hours more</div>
Ten more minutes if you must<br />
Let me have it<br />
Allow me to relish<br />
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If only for that smile<br />
And that lingering look<br />
Eyes which has stories to tell<br />
I'd run away with you<br />
<br />
But if this is all that we'll ever have<br />
Then let me dream of you<br />
So tomorrow won't be so bleak<br />
Just let me dream of you<br />
If that's how I can make you stay<br />
Whatever this is, let me have it<br />
And maybe then, I'll be fine<br />
<br />
Make the clock stop ticking and the world just freeze<br />
Let me bask in this moment<br />
When you and me can make believe<br />
That being here is all that really matters<br />
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If this is all that it is<br />
Then I'd have to memorize<br />
Every detail, every memory<br />
Enough to last me my life<br />
<br />
Grant me another moment<br />
Let me see your face<br />
Comfort me in my solace<br />
Let me listen to you too<br />
Missing you chokes me up<br />
And only dreaming can keep me sane<br />
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But if this is all that we'll ever have<br />
Then let me dream of you<br />
So tomorrow won't be so bleak<br />
Just let me dream of you<br />
If that's how I can make you stay<br />
Whatever this is, let me have it<br />
And maybe then, I'll be fine<br />
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In this lifetime, I may have written so much. Too much, at times. However, my greatest masterpiece, I would have to say, was writing lyrics and creating a song out of the words that I put together with the help of a very good friend. Looking back, that song was my catalyst for change and renewed faith. It healed me and brought me back to reality after wasted years of desperation and sheer self-destruction. <br />
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I'm not good at writing poems, but once in a while, I try to make one. However, I intend to create a song out of this one. Maybe turning it into something worth listening to might do me justice when everything seems to be too much for me to bear. Or better yet, I hope it can somehow ease this pain in my heart, one way or another.<br />
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Because there are just days, days like these, when feeling so much and not being able to do anything about it is more like being diagnosed with a terminal illness. You know it exists and fighting it only proves to be futile. For the thing is, it's never going to go away nor are things going to get better in time. And all you can really do is just accept it.<br />
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Live with the pain and misery. And find joy in dreaming. <br />
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<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-7352057560043345342013-01-09T09:37:00.003-08:002013-01-09T09:39:45.713-08:00Die Just a Little<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There's something about the rain that reminds me of you. Maybe it was because of that one rainy afternoon. Or I guess it must have been that rainy evening after the storm. For whatever reason it might be, I may not know for sure. I do know that when the skies begin to cry, I get to think of no one else but you. And all of a sudden, my heart begins to throb. Over and over again.<br />
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And tonight is no exception. I just wish you knew. Not that it would make any difference at all, but nevertheless, I wish you knew that this hasn't been very easy for me too. That if I had it my way, I would give everything up in a heartbeat just for you. But you and I both know that in the lives that we live, we were never an option to begin with. And maybe, just maybe, things are really better off that way.<br />
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I'm walking away. I'm locking it all up in my diary. I'm hiding it away in my journal. I guess it has to be this way. You and I, we never should have happened. Not yesterday, not today. Not ever. But we did because we willed it to be. And if it has to be like this for the rest of our lives, then so be it. At least I had that one moment, when you looked at me that way like no one else did and we held on to each other as if we had all the time in our hands. That was beautiful. And I'm holding on to that memory. Never mind that it means an eternity without you. That alone was more than enough. <br />
<br />
So please let me be. Maybe it's going to take a while; but in time, we will both understand why this had to happen. Perhaps tomorrow, your memory shall cease to haunt me. And maybe then, I can get you off my mind. <br />
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**************************************************************************<br />
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"I just want to feel better, even for just a minute" - Grey's Anatomy<br />
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<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-14986274134381946132012-12-05T06:15:00.002-08:002012-12-05T06:15:12.543-08:00So let me wear my heart on a sleeve<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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(Written last October 26, 2012, 11:23 pm)<br />
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Just because you don't see me hurting doesn't mean I don't feel anything.<br />
Just because you don't see me crying doesn't mean that I don't feel like breaking down.<br />
And just because you see me smiling doesn't mean that I'm not feigning my emotions.<br />
As much as I would want to show you my frailty, it all boils down to a single truth:<br />
At the end of the day, IT WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING.<br />
<br />
Knowing that I am in pain won't keep you from standing by the choices you've made.<br />
Knowing that I've shed some tears won't change the circumstances that keep us apart.<br />
Knowing that I feel the same way won't make things any better for the two of us.<br />
Knowing that I've been missing you all this time won't change the fact that inspite of everything that had transpired, this is what's best for all of us.<br />
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I hope you do not think ill of me for doing this.<br />
I am not good at laying my heart on the line.<br />
This is the only way I know how to guard my heart so let it be my only defense.<br />
<br />Because after all that's been said and done, it doesn't really matter anyway.<br />
And I might as well just keep it to myself.Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-30898582466191234522012-10-16T10:46:00.002-07:002012-10-16T22:57:08.729-07:00One Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>"I need to speak to someone. Not someone - you."</i></b></span></div>
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My deepest darkest secrets and my greatest unfounded fears. You know everything. The worst thing you've ever done and the biggest mistake you've made. I happen to know it too. Come to think, if there is any one person that would always have my back, it would have to be you. And if there is only one person who would still believe in you even when no one else did, that would be me. </div>
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I promised myself that I won't be watching this movie again. EVER. Although the masochistic side of me actually relishes sad endings in movies, with this one, it isn't really the ending that got into me. It was the fact that Emma and Dex made it. Although theirs was a love story that was short-lived, they nevertheless got married and ended up together. They were able to live out their lives together even with the little time that they had. And in the end, that's all that really matters. It's not how long you've stayed together, but how you've made those precious moments count and how you were able to choose to be with this one person for the rest of your life. </div>
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I wish things could turn out to be as easy as they are being portrayed in films. Maybe the world wouldn't be as depressing as it is. And if only making a choice were as simple as leaving a person playing the piano in a jazz bar and running after the one that you truly want, then probably, lesser hearts would be left broken. Including mine.<br />
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In the real world, it just doesn't work that way. In the end, you stick up with the choices that you made, not just because of love alone, but also because you recognize that commitment plays a big factor too. I remember you asking me once why after everything, I still chose to bear it all. I wasn't able to provide you with an answer back then. For a time there, you had me thinking and now this I have to say. He was always around even when no one else was. And he stayed, even when I had, for many times driven him away. Most importantly, he fought for me like no one else did, even during instances when I knew I didn't deserve to be fought for. And in this gruesome world filled with apathy and deceit, that to me means everything; it is larger than life. </div>
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But that doesn't make things any easier or less baffling for me. Especially not when it involves you. There are still days when I am overwhelmed with sadness and helplessness. And there are nights like these when I wish more than anything that the circumstances had been different and that the second chance we had, shouldn't have been too late. In another life perhaps. But sadly not in this lifetime. </div>
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You're still you. And I'm still me. And in my dreams, it is still your face that lingers. And if it has to be this way, then so be it. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Nobody but you has to know anyway. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I miss you...</i></span></div>
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Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-14075439611865430762012-10-09T09:45:00.001-07:002012-10-09T09:45:12.721-07:00A Conversation with a Friend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/hp0_2fjPlbM/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hp0_2fjPlbM&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hp0_2fjPlbM&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>“In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live.” - The Bridges of Madison County</b></span></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'll say this though. I held him, for the longest time.
Because I knew that he wasn’t mine to keep and that my time was coming to an
end. And I wanted to remember every single detail of it. Relish at its
magnificence and bask in its glory. Because in a few hours, he will no longer
be with me although he was never really mine to lose anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the pain of losing something isn't there.
But the exhilarating feeling that even for just a while - he was with me,
beside me, and wanted me, was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
if I could bottle that feeling, I certainly would.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Our difference lies there. I knew that moment was not going
to last. Maybe that generally stirred up the excitement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for me, it was more than that. Soon
enough, I may find something else that I will fancy. But<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, I will always, always have that
memory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And that’s speaking plainly :)</span></div>
Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-67021152724733173842012-08-21T09:34:00.000-07:002012-08-21T09:34:17.084-07:00Maintain Status Quo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/vTlar5FP2HU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>"Sometimes keeping the memory is good enough."</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I know you're probably just as troubled as I am. Baffled might be a better term. Almost desperate, if I may say. Perhaps helpless too. I wish I could tell you that you are not alone. That I've been feeling things as well. But I guess it would be adequate to say that it is what it is. And it would be in the best interest of all for us to leave it at that. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-81404027758300891662012-07-20T23:56:00.001-07:002012-08-14T08:55:08.336-07:00Of Tidal Waves and Riverbeds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi90RNzaBjv7U2Ftpsshfht1fMdNFKvBXkYBGYXlNDQLquCAjdoOEB8xApYAmVXrKE10lb7CEcslqMeoV7oCpuTFNGxJCO2-ygVjdS4JszTLBu2lr9Yw7shGJvkyKrxlfcrnI1z8HR4a84/s1600/395466_263122463764388_258680417541926_606617_839088331_n_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi90RNzaBjv7U2Ftpsshfht1fMdNFKvBXkYBGYXlNDQLquCAjdoOEB8xApYAmVXrKE10lb7CEcslqMeoV7oCpuTFNGxJCO2-ygVjdS4JszTLBu2lr9Yw7shGJvkyKrxlfcrnI1z8HR4a84/s320/395466_263122463764388_258680417541926_606617_839088331_n_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
They say that it is never right to live a life in regret. And it is precisely because of this fact why there are those who tell us to not look back and dwell on days gone by. After all, you can only endure so much shame and remorse, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really change anything. Maybe that's the thing about regrets. At the end of the day, they're just that - Guilt Feelings. Nothing more and Nothing less.<br />
<br />
I have chosen to rub this off and allow time and space to heal this minor injury which has been caused by my own recklessness. From the very beginning, I knew it wasn't right but I went along with it anyway. Several times, I had even attempted to rationalize and justify my actions. I kept telling myself that I knew my limits and I would never cross my boundaries. I might just have kept my word because I think I never did. Nevertheless, I have not emerged unscathed. Looking back to everything that's been said and done, I realized now that more than the pain, deceit and false hope, the worst kind of damage that anyone could ever really inflict are those that you had never really intended to cause.<br />
<br />
This tumultuous affair had almost cost me everything. Even more, it had allowed me to betray someone who has done nothing but offer me his utter love and devotion. I will always regret that I had hurt the one person who managed to stand his ground and trust me completely even when I didn't deserve any of it. I had allowed him to suffer in silence out of my own selfish indulgence.<br />
<br />
I wasn't looking for trouble, nor had I intended to find something I might fancy. At a point in time in my life when I valued certainty and direction more than anything, I was not up for any more games. How our paths had crossed and why we were drawn to each other, maybe it was by chance. But then again, maybe not. Probably we had allowed ourselves to fall into that vicious trap, unmindful of the consequences. I guess we were too caught up with ourselves that for a time there, we had both forgotten that we were living separate realities. Or maybe we both knew that that was all we really could ever have with each other. And so we groped for what it was worth, never mind that it was not going to last.<br />
<br />
And I should've never allowed you to come too close. I should have kept my distance too had I known that it would turn out to be this way. But how could I have resisted a tidal wave that came crashing into me out of nowhere, only to revive my dampened spirit and desolate soul? How could I have ignored the late night phone calls and the endless conversations that made me look forward to each waking day? Who would refuse company and a big umbrella on a rainy day? And how could I have ever turned down a cold afternoon with you, sipping coffee, studying and talking like the day was never going to end? I knew that it was a now-or-never opportunity; it was our only chance. And I impulsively grabbed it because I thought it was worth the risk.<br />
<br />
And that was my biggest mistake -to have placed almost everything on the line, for a cheap thrill. I had allowed somebody to put up with my untruths, with him all the while knowing what I was really up to. And yet, despite his knowledge, he placed his faith on me that I wouldn't let go of his hand even when I almost did. I had almost given up on the one person who never gave up on me. But in my weakest moments, he kept on and showed me that ours was a love that was worth fighting for, until the very end.<br />
<br />
I am glad that I had come to my senses and balked out before it was too late. It must have been my guardian angel telling me to step back. Or maybe it was you, finally realizing that we were now treading on dangerous grounds because our emotions have gotten the best of us. Probably too, it was him, constantly praying that I would finally see the light and cherish a love that had endured and weathered through so many trials and tribulations, all these years.<br />
<br />
You are my biggest regret. I didn't need you to come into my life and disrupt my tranquility. But you did and it's going to take a while for me to mend these broken pieces of my already battered heart. It's astonishing how in the shortest span of time, you must have really gotten into my system. For out of the many instances that the law of attraction could have taken its toll on me, I couldn't have chosen such an unforgiving time. And out of the million and one people with which I could have sparked a remarkable connection with, it had to be you.<br />
<br />
In another life, when the odds are not against us and the circumstances we are in would be different, maybe I can learn to trust my emotions again. But right now, I owe it to myself to fix the mess that I made and put things back in its rightful places. It might take a while, I know. But I will get there because I am with this one person who has chosen to endure even the worst of me. And it is where I am gaining strength to make it through. If it makes any difference at all, I have you to be grateful for. Your existence made him realize that where I am is where he wants to remain after all. And with that, there is nothing more that I could ask for. <br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-41346257016304460262012-05-26T10:08:00.000-07:002012-05-26T10:08:43.307-07:00Inner Rantings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Lately, a million things have been going through my head and I have been left baffled and confused than I've ever been before. My summer days are coming to an end and maybe I just dread going back to school because I know it'll mean more hellish days for me. Or probably I'm just simply worrying about the future, that which lies ahead and the uncertainty that goes along with it. More than ever, I am being forced to face something which I am completely daunted by the mere thought of. For what its worth, I am placed at a crossroad which is pushing me to my limit and testing how far my faith can go.<br />
<br />
There are just times when I just can't help but feel sad and sorry for myself. And I feel like crying because right now, I don't exactly know what to do. There are days when I just want to lie down and reevaluate my life, my choices and my options. But that makes me even more scared because making a move right now at this very crucial moment, might just mess it all up and ruin everything altogether. Vocal and outspoken as I am, I do not usually tell people the big things that really bother me, nor do I share those thoughts which really perturb me. I'm well aware of the fact that I am quite neurotic and I overthink too much on the verge of reaching paranoia. But lately, things have been quite unbearable that it kills me not to be able to say anything at all.<br />
<br />
Because right now, I don't understand. And I simply do not just want to understand. I want to know. I want to know why I am feeling emotions which should have been long gone. I want answers to questions because the lack of it is threatening my sanity and screwing up my belief system. Most importantly, I want somebody to tell me why this one person who has been my shelter and my home should have to leave just so we can have a future together. I want to know why this is happening all at once right now, just when I am about to realize my lifelong dreams as well.<br />
<br />
And I don't know where to begin or how to even start describing these thoughts, these feelings that haunt me in my dreams and distract me in the most mundane times. All the more, how can I actually find it in my heart to allow my pillar of strength to leave me behind and wait with uncertainty for a someday that is yet to come without the slightest assurance of permanence? Why does he have to leave now, when I am in a state of emotional crisis? Why can I not just go with him so I can just hide in his arms to where I can always find refuge and solace? What am I going to do to with all these memories that trouble me? And when can I start getting used to living my life without him around?<br />
<br />
I am at this point in my life where time is running against me to my disadvantage. I cannot afford to make one false move and lose everything that I've worked for my entire life. And right now, this is not my own choice to make, but ours. There is just so much at stake and with all that's been going on in the world right now, you can never be too sure that things will work out for the best.<br />
<br />
<br />
Maybe I just need to figure this out on my own. And although my sanity is hanging by a thread, <span id="goog_1497552666"></span><span id="goog_1497552667"></span>I am placing everything on the line. And because have no weapon nor armor, I must take it all in and just simply hope for the best. I am praying that my faith will be more than enough to get me through all of this.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-28584348690964128912012-05-20T23:57:00.001-07:002012-05-20T23:57:40.672-07:00The Vow<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbihabyrk24"><br /></a><br />
<div style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">"I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to
have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and
to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of
your heart and always call it home."</span></b></div>
<div style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">"I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other."</span></b></div>
<br />
I dream about writing my own set of vows someday. Maybe one day soon. I hope I get to live to relish that moment. And I hope it would turn out to be something close to this. :)Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-86382793290879607452012-03-14T10:26:00.002-07:002012-03-15T16:54:02.174-07:00This<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a secret. And I have kept it for seven years. Seven long years. And for how long I can hold it in, that I am not sure of. I had hoped that eventually, it might die a natural death. Or that by some stroke of luck, I will be able to forget and bury it in my memory. But seven years have passed and I've been singing the same song in my head. <br />
<br />
Right now, I wish there was something that I could do about it. I had long prayed for this to go away. And I thought that it did. But something happened along the way and it seems I'm right back to where I used to be - in a deep emotional rut.<br />
<br />
I've been searching for words to say. I've been conjuring up
lines in my head. I've been seeking for answers. And I've been looking
for reasons. But all to no avail. <br />
<br />
I guess time and distance never really changes anything. Or maybe there are just some things that refuse to part with that which breeds familiarity. I think there are those who choose to remain where they are because it's the only place that they can keep coming back to. <br />
<br />
I am keeping this. I am choosing to nurture it. Like a prized possession, I am holding it close to me. With this, I do not expect the whole world to stand up for my cause. I know they will never understand. I'm guessing nobody ever will.<br />
<br />
I am choosing this. The rest of the universe may not conspire with me on this one but nevertheless, I know that this a decision that will give me the tranquility and peace of mind which I have always cherished and yearned for. <br />
<br />
I've lost it once and I never want it to happen again. Everything that was had been a blur. The years that passed were all too painful to speak of. And now that I have found my place, I am staying right where I am. Too much time has passed. And there were all too many opportunities that were wasted. Most of all, too many hearts have been broken along the way. And right now is not the time to cause even more damage. <br />
<br />
I wish I could provide an explanation although I know it won't be necessary. And more than anything, I know you completely understand. Because despite everything that was, that is and that will be, this one thing has remained constant and has never faltered, all this time.<br />
<br />
In another lifetime, where the circumstances are different and I had more time in my hands, maybe things would have turned out differently. But for what it's really worth, like you said, maybe it's just better this way. So this I have to say. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: small;">I AM CHOOSING TO LOVE YOU FOREVER. EVEN IF IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. </span></b></div>
<br />
<br />
One heartbreak is enough. And never mind that it is my very own that has to pay the price. <br />
<br />
<br />
<span id="goog_332575593"></span><span id="goog_332575594"></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a>Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-82626010062262712542011-09-09T10:40:00.000-07:002011-09-09T11:26:04.798-07:00Two Words. And that was it.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwz-cWMeJBBpMGyuFCW99xz9oEYwBjFpNQNdc0moJURmWct8NOIY0rF4DjtxIxPF9oF5JqstdXFCMK3HwyhR-nf3Yv8GOjD-3R996oIfG1xA8li7S2zq6E_DE2O0xpbNacyh68Wb9pDvc/s1600/tumblr_loxjsdpkEE1qmao91o1_500_large.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 285px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwz-cWMeJBBpMGyuFCW99xz9oEYwBjFpNQNdc0moJURmWct8NOIY0rF4DjtxIxPF9oF5JqstdXFCMK3HwyhR-nf3Yv8GOjD-3R996oIfG1xA8li7S2zq6E_DE2O0xpbNacyh68Wb9pDvc/s320/tumblr_loxjsdpkEE1qmao91o1_500_large.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5650416442738843938" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir98EiuKKTQctXVGlPkg-UyqBFCMr5chjszmNIYCgIixayvbIvWGxQxrktWLkJnoV0pzjYh1kyNfZYnOoAUIzQlL1S02keVsvEYZKnr8zNYsrb5XIHgv1gLFcrjbSbpecAa7TucuEALTA/s1600/tumblr_lnnepvqJU01qaodr1o1_400_large.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir98EiuKKTQctXVGlPkg-UyqBFCMr5chjszmNIYCgIixayvbIvWGxQxrktWLkJnoV0pzjYh1kyNfZYnOoAUIzQlL1S02keVsvEYZKnr8zNYsrb5XIHgv1gLFcrjbSbpecAa7TucuEALTA/s320/tumblr_lnnepvqJU01qaodr1o1_400_large.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5650416437345657570" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >A few years back, it still seems all too vivid even for my own recollection. The bucket of tears that I shed. The sleepless nights I endured. The dreams that were shattered. The glorious fantasies that I conjured up in my head, only to be left disillusioned. The all-too-many questions without a single answer. The worldly pleasures that I drowned myself into just so I could forget. The million and one obstacles I had to overcome just so I could finally move on from it all...</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >And all it took were those two words. That was more than enough. I had forgiven you even before you knew that I did. I had already known why we weren't meant to be together even before you had it figured out. But most importantly, I had finally told you what I have always wanted to say.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I hope that you will ponder on my words. And when you say you've changed, I hope you mean well. I want you to know that I'm counting on you to do it right this time around. You are better than all of this and I just know, that surely, you can rise above it.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >I've always placed my faith in you. And I want you to remember that. I want you to remember how it once was. I want you to recall how we used to be and what we were to each other. Because even if things have changed and time has passed, it has remained to be what it was. I am still here for you. And I have always been a friend. I will never stop being that. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >And though we both know that we weren't meant to be together, it does not mean that we weren't meant to be anything at all. You will always be the one who knows me like no one else does. And I am still the one who has always believed in you even when the whole world refuses to do so. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >To me, you will always be that only person, my one friend. And after everything that has happened, I know now that we will always stay this way no matter what.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b>Lost love is still love, Eddie. It just takes a different form, that's all. You can't hold their hand. You can't tousle their hair. But when those senses weaken, another one comes to life. Memory becomes your partner. You hold it, you dance with it. Life has to end, Eddie.</b></i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b> Love doesn't. </b></i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b>- THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN (Mitch Albom)</b></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div>Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-37988647147440981992011-04-26T08:44:00.000-07:002011-04-26T09:42:20.569-07:00Just Because<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu9PQj1v-Yex1m71TFFibxg0E5Ry3CafWTrIx43Dt7p2aPT0Eu8D2VJENmG-R5kwiEXPWwpnNDgVoB2DqOndAwM17NWb02ZlvjhHkY5qVTJo8JRf6YfwhnLlGqOTYzbpGRcL_7akwTpFo/s1600/tumblr_lk8iqpwpMb1qe31xzo1_400_large.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu9PQj1v-Yex1m71TFFibxg0E5Ry3CafWTrIx43Dt7p2aPT0Eu8D2VJENmG-R5kwiEXPWwpnNDgVoB2DqOndAwM17NWb02ZlvjhHkY5qVTJo8JRf6YfwhnLlGqOTYzbpGRcL_7akwTpFo/s320/tumblr_lk8iqpwpMb1qe31xzo1_400_large.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5599919980860404674" /></a><div><br /></div><div>In this lifetime, I may have loved too many. Probably even loved too much. But this did not make me any less of a person. It only made me realize that I am actually worth so much more. Along this journey, I've had a few regrets. A thing or two I never should have said. A simple gesture I should have done. An apology I should have made. Like anyone else, I would have wanted to turn back time. Maybe then, I wouldn't have made so many mistakes.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>But people, like seasons,often do come in and out of the picture. Some linger for a while and then leave. But only to come back again the next time around. And then you begin to wonder why it had to happen. Why those things had to transpire only to be taken away. Why they kept you company and not stayed around. And why they suddenly come out of nowhere as the good old memories come flooding in. </div><div><br /></div><div>I probably will never have the answers to all my questions. But I do know that I will always remember. My very first. That particular person. And this one and only. All of them, they taught me well. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have not emerged unscathed. But with time and the many tests of strength along the way, I've learned to cherish and nurture my battle scars. They make up the entirety of who I really am and what I have become because of certain people. Because of them. </div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe people come and go for a reason. Some leave, never to be heard again because they weren't worth our time and efforts. There are those who come back and realize what they have been missing along the way. And yet there are also those who do return, not to claim vengeance, but because they have found it in their heart to forgive your mistakes and accept the past that cannot be undone. Maybe not everybody is meant to stay in your life, but there are those who are only meant to teach you. And because of them, you are forever changed.</div><div><br /></div><div>But what about the exceptional ones? Those who withstand the test of time and turmoil? They are the ones that you should hold dear. Because one day, you will just know it. The moment will come when you will have to say that, "Finally, this is the one. This one is worth keeping."</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>ALL LOVE STORIES ARE THE SAME.</i></div>Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-36746483497124365562011-04-04T09:15:00.000-07:002011-04-04T09:46:20.619-07:00I guess we'll never know<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6XFMvVbJje791NDgHsqp1NZcFO-X1EGYZZbpyTtDu7GvR9PQDCKSwYZmVLxy5fpcT6SvJ81C_pwjAXdpyvrfAHLX3p8wxr7QCz9jLJaJpMVIr0r7G9m1R5Vvh6djeasbCnf4Vw-H9blc/s1600/1286964183229607_large.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6XFMvVbJje791NDgHsqp1NZcFO-X1EGYZZbpyTtDu7GvR9PQDCKSwYZmVLxy5fpcT6SvJ81C_pwjAXdpyvrfAHLX3p8wxr7QCz9jLJaJpMVIr0r7G9m1R5Vvh6djeasbCnf4Vw-H9blc/s320/1286964183229607_large.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591763465317175122" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0P37KrVDn7kyT8Hm-RLNvJh6q26HSOiMECPjuGE_sC29mr7WsIxvjlxrWXx7nEetWHxlmKD88841oJgA822ToYE1_47TP8eAjdTW1hTrTQiD2rv_BiX-mCt_M2AQ1R8BElfcu3o1yBy0/s1600/184885_1695526025034_1144337865_31752866_4438533_n_large.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 274px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0P37KrVDn7kyT8Hm-RLNvJh6q26HSOiMECPjuGE_sC29mr7WsIxvjlxrWXx7nEetWHxlmKD88841oJgA822ToYE1_47TP8eAjdTW1hTrTQiD2rv_BiX-mCt_M2AQ1R8BElfcu3o1yBy0/s320/184885_1695526025034_1144337865_31752866_4438533_n_large.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591763460092488946" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I wish we both knew. That one day, we would grow up and realize the many mistakes we've made back then. Maybe ours would've been a story we could have grown fond of telling.</div><div><br /></div><div>But then again, where we are now, it's not so bad after all. I have found my place and right now, it's exactly where I want to be. </div><div><br /></div><div>After all this time, I only wish the exact same thing for you - a life worth living and a love worth enduring.</div><div><br /></div><div>I sincerely wish you well. And I mean it. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-12700805602578908512011-04-03T08:27:00.000-07:002011-04-03T08:32:05.501-07:00My Mark<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiogPww8bhxvZtykuLswaOmeP46sKfN3_E6ZCkugR1YnVIoNvBB4ZmW2dd0yPNCea3eeGKE1BY-3N9w1rVzhSx8655aP8zBhryGDf0jl8utu63MDZJtVUZ6WniRkufVFWjKWBDeQdL2D9A/s1600/tumblr_liw01sIQup1qbvim5o1_500_large.jpg"><span><span></span></span></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKzxQA90EHBn_hah6QV-fOFs0V0bDjqOhyNCehCPKNsU6AeHmopSCi-AM35ROhWiROHWwMgV4Rg8WnuA9wx6hwo7wM3j5_-7QH0Nl2CNuKomahk_Wb78EGzyuwyv1_2elwqXnjBrrj1Y/s1600/tumblr_liogxsIOfm1qezwmho1_500_large.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDKzxQA90EHBn_hah6QV-fOFs0V0bDjqOhyNCehCPKNsU6AeHmopSCi-AM35ROhWiROHWwMgV4Rg8WnuA9wx6hwo7wM3j5_-7QH0Nl2CNuKomahk_Wb78EGzyuwyv1_2elwqXnjBrrj1Y/s320/tumblr_liogxsIOfm1qezwmho1_500_large.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591379851547200402" border="0" /></a><br />Things happen. But it's always never too late to start all over again.Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71129593200481653.post-17935817525815850002010-11-26T07:19:00.000-08:002010-11-26T07:46:07.445-08:00The Law of AttractionWhen you stumble upon something you fancy, you grab it by impulse. But then when it finally sinks in, you realize that it's really just that, FANCY. And that by all means, you should get rid of it. <div><br /></div><div>At some point in time, you will be drawn to something. Temptation will be so appealing that it may heighten up all of your senses.<div><br /></div><div>But at the end of the day, should this mean anything at all? Will it be worth risking everything, even the one true thing in your life? </div><div><br /></div><div>And therein lies the difference.<br /><div><br /></div></div></div><div>Moments are fleeting. Acquaintances are short-lived. But there will always be something that's worth keeping. And it's what you call COMMITMENT.</div>Shenghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17421844096361313730noreply@blogger.com0